Những câu nói ngớ ngẩn hài hước bằng Tiếng Anh

[Trần Thị Mỹ Hạnh]

Các bạn sẽ cười đau bụng khi đọc những câu nói ngớ ngẩn sau đây:

 

"Britain is not anisland...well, yes it is, but..." 

 

        - Unidentified MP, on BBC Radio 4

        - from Mark Saxby (Reading, England)

 

 

"The Presidentcontinues to surprise people, so I am not surprised  to be surprised." 

 

        - US Secy of Defense Dick Cheney

        - from Mark Wiersbeck (Minneapolis, MN, USA)

 

 

"President Bush isdue to address the nation in approximately 20 minutesprecisely." 

 

 

        - Peter Jennings, ABC News

        - from Roger Allen (Nashua, NH, USA)

 

 

"Mobile launchersare more difficult to detect because they move around, unlike  fixed launchers."

 

        - Katie Coucik, NBC News

 

        - from Lowell McCulley (Nashua, NH, USA)

 

 

"Continuouscoverage of the war in the Persian Gulf will resume in a moment."

 

        - Tom Brokaw, NBC News

        - from Jeff E. Nelson (Nashua, NH, USA)

 

 

 

"We have goodreason to believe he was stabbed.  Therewas a sharp object sticking out ofhis chest".

 

        - Lt. R. Travis, Newburgh, NY, PoliceDept,

          cited in National Lampoon calendar

 

        - from Jim Reisert (Hudson, MA, USA)

 

 

"The City ofRochester (Michigan) is considering a ban on smoking at the park becausepeople are leaving their butts on the beach."

 

        - Announcer, WJR Radio, Detroit, MI

 

        - from Jim Cotton (Novi, MI, USA)

 

 

"Men between theages of 18 and 25 must register for the draft on their 18thbirthday."

 

        - Sign in a US Post Office

        - from Bruce Stadler (Dallas, TX, USA)

 

 

 

"This door mustnot be opened under any circumstances."

 

        - Sign outside a fire exit in ahotel

        - from C. N. Kumar (Karnataka, India)

 

 

"We have to expectit, otherwise we would be surprised."

 

 

        - Unidentified general officer, re:Gulf war.

        - from Thierry Ciot (Valbonne, France)

 

 

"Yo-Yo Ma andBobby McFerrin together again for the first time."

 

        - Ellen Kushner on "Caravan", WGBH radio,

 

          Boston

        - from Roger Goun (Nashua, NH, USA)

 

 

"It is mandatorythat tenderers provide proof that the specified performancerequirements are likely to be achieved by the proposed system."

 

 

        - Request forQuotation from unidentified

          prospective client

        - from Kass Antanaitis (Canberra, Australia)

 

 

"President Unionwill address the nation on the state of the Bush."

 

 

        _ Hampton Pearson, news reporter, WBZ TV

        - from Paul Poznick (Andover, MA, USA)

 

 

"Although somefunctional managers had heard of RISC, virtually none had heard ofRISC"

 

        - Digital Marketing Study

 

        - from Ken Berkun (Hong Kong)

 

 

"Sir JamesSpicer...has officially opened a lavatory at the Piddle Valley First Schoolnear Dorchester."

 

        - VNS #2244Main News, 23 Jan 90

        - from Dick Binder (Nashua, NH, USA)

 

 

 

"Tensions inLatvia...are tense..."

 

        - WBZ Radio, Boston, 21 Jan 91, news

        - from Gunar Zagars (Andover, MA, USA)

 

 

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would

 

not live forever,because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live  forever,then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why Iwould not live forever,"

 

        -- Miss Alabama in the 1994

 

        -- Miss USA contest.

 

 

"Whenever I watchTV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help butcry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all thoseflies and death and stuff."

 

 

        -- Mariah Carey

 

 

"Smoking kills. Ifyou're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."

        -- Brooke Shields, during an interviewto become

        -- Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

 

 

 

"I've never hadmajor knee surgery on any other part of my body,"

 

        -- Winston Bennett, University ofKentucky basketball forward.

 

 

"Outside of thekillings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates 

in the country,"

 

        -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

 

 

"I'm not going tohave some reporters pawing through our papers. We are thepresident."

 

        -- Hillary Clinton commenting on therelease

 

        -- of subpoenaed documents.

 

 

"That lowdownscoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one todo it."

 

        -- A congressional candidate in Texas.

 

 

 

"I don't feel wedid wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were greatnumbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly tryingto keep it for themselves."

 

 

        -- John Wayne

 

 

"Half this game isninety percent mental."

 

        -- Philadelphia Phillies manager, DannyOzark

 

 

"It isn'tpollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities  in our air and waterthat are doing it."

 

        -- Unknown.  This has been attributed to:

        Al Gore, Vice President

        Dan Quayle, Vice President

        George W. Bush, Texas Governor

 

 

"I loveCalifornia. I practically grew up in Phoenix."

 

 

        -- Dan Quayle

 

 

"It's noexaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another"

 

        -- George Bush, US President

 

 

"We've got topause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"

 

 

        -- Lee Iacocca

 

 

"I was providedwith additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assistedin furthering that version."

 

        -- Colonel Oliver North, from hisIran-Contra testimony.

 

 

 

"The word 'genius'isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

 

        -- Joe Theisman, NFL footballquarterback & sports analyst.

 

 

"We don'tnecessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of  people."

 

        -- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTCInstructor.

 

 

"If we don'tsucceed, we run the risk of failure."

 

        -- Unknown.  This has been attributed to:

        Al Gore, Bill Clinton, George Bush

 

        (Sr.and Jr.), and Dan Quayle

 

 

"We are ready foran unforeseen event that may or may not occur."

 

        -- Al Gore, VP

 

 

"Traditionally,most of Australia's imports come from overseas."

 

 

        -- Keppel Enderbery

 

 

"Your food stampswill be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice thatyou passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change inyour circumstances."

 

 

        -- Department of Social Services,Greenville, South Carolina

 

 

"If somebody has abad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and itwill monitor their heart throughout the night.  And the next morning,when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."

 

        -- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

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